Sponsored Content WEBINAR: ELECTION 2008: E-mail Tips from a Political Insider   WEBINAR: Becoming the Illusionist: The Magic of Using "Brand" to Drive Response without Results Disappearing in the Process   WEBINAR: Score and Win Through Cooperation   TOOLS OF THE TRADE: Holiday's are prime-time for email marketing - maximize your ROI by getting to the inbox   ON DEMAND WEBINAR--MASTER CLASS: High Performance Online and Off-line Strategies for Large Scale Customer Acquisition   FREE WHITE PAPER - Direct Mail and the Internet Find any supplier you need - agencies, CRM, fulfillment, lists, e-commerce, paper, printers, telemarketing, and more. Featured Categories Lists and Data Telemarketing Database Marketing E-commerce Web Marketing Agency & Creative Services Print, Production & Paper Lists and Data Processing :: view all categories Get free access to more than 50,000 list data cards - one of the most comprehensive databases in the industry. >> Search Now DIRECT Buzz Blog Webinars Buyer's Guide Calculators JobZone ListFinder Promo Calendar Research Store E-Newsletters Print Magazine This Month in Direct Magazine Bare Bones Postal reform works. The rate hike that takes effect May 12 is the lowest in memory: an average of 2.88%. And some mail classes are getting even less than that... See Full April Issue

Quick! Look out the window. What’s that, you ask? It’s flying pigs. Why are pigs flying? Because a consumer newspaper actually ran a well-reasoned opinion piece on direct mail.

The Racine, WI, Journal Times on Sunday ran a house editorial headlined “No need for laws on junk mail.”

The headline alone was enough to make me and my fat rear end tip over and hit the floor. No anti-junk mail laws? Were they kidding? Don’t they know that being anti-direct mail is the quickest, most mentally effortless way to display one’s environmental bona fides?

Apparently not.

On the idea of a national do-not-mail list, the Journal Times said: “For one, such a service would be redundant. The Direct Marketing Association already operates a site (http://www.dmachoice.org) where consumers can take their names off junk mail lists.”

The editorial added: “We also recognize the distinction between phone calls, which are inherently intrusive, and mail. Unlike a ringing phone at dinner time, residents can deal with catalogs at their leisure.”

Wow.

Oink. Oink. Or maybe it’s not pigs flying. Maybe it’s monkeys coming out of my butt. Heck, pick whatever “ain’t-never-gonna-happen” cliché you want and insert it here.

Obviously, the editorial writer or writers who penned the Journal Times’ piece on direct mail missed some crucial indoctrination in Journalism School.

Message to the Journal Times editorial page staffers: You better get with the picture. When you graduated from consumer journalism school, you took an oath to never, ever, ever, rely on sound logic or reason when writing about direct-response advertising.

Remember? It went something like this: “I, soon-to-be self-important windbag journalist at a print newspaper losing readers and advertisers by the month, do solemnly swear that when it comes to reporting on marketing and advertising—especially direct marketing—my head will not ever, even for a moment, leave the comfortable confines of my ass.

“Furthermore, I will not ever deviate from the lines fed to me by low-IQ anti-marketing activists. Nor will I do anything else that may tarnish my image as a hip journalist or force me to actually think logically about the issues I cover.

“Lastly, whenever I report on direct marketing, I may or may not quote someone from marketing, but if I do, it’ll be mainly to make them look like the corporate tools they are.”

OK, Journal Times. You’ve been warned. No more well-reasoned editorials about marketing or we’re going to have to take away your Shallow-Groupthink-Journalist Club membership cards. Understand?