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From the delayed-response file comes a news release from e-mail service provider Message Systems complaining about being left off the The Magilla Marketing List of Top 40 Fastest-Growing (and some not-so-fast-growing) E-mail Marketing Related Companies that Came to Mind Randomly while Swilling Vodka Martinis.

Hey guys, better late than never, eh? That column ran in, what, November? Nonetheless, the release is pretty funny.

Here it is:

“COLUMBIA, MD – February 7, 2008 – Email solutions provider Message Systems announced today that it was left off Direct Magazine’s Magilla Marketing List of Top 40 Fastest-Growing (and some not-so-fast-growing) E-mail Marketing Related Companies that Came to Mind Randomly while Swilling Vodka Martinis. Ken Magill, the author of the list and part-time acquaintance of Barry Abel, Message Systems VP of field operations, refused to make apologies for the oversight.

“‘Look,’ said Magill, ‘[hiccup]I thought long and hard about which companies to include…Well, maybe I thought only a little about it…but I know for sure that the companies on the list sure earned it. [hiccup] Who’s eROI again?”’

“George Schlossnagle, Message Systems founder and CEO, commented, ‘Ken’s a pretty cool guy, so we’re willing to cut him some slack here. We all know that Message Systems should not only be on the list, but should clearly rank somewhere in the top three, top FIVE at the most. We’re confident that Ken will surely rectify this oversight with the next version of his list. However, we can’t guarantee a news release will be issued since our PR budget was used up creating this one.”

Yeah, yeah, another press release, another cheap shot at the fat drunk. At least I’m a fun, fat drunk. … Or so I’m told. I usually don’t remember much. I just wake up in the hall closet in a state of semi-undress, covered in axle grease with my wife’s underwear on my head and the dog’s squeaky toy clenched between my teeth, thinking: “Is she up yet? Uh oh, how do I explain this one?”