Singapore’s Likely Response to Utah: “Utah? What the Hell is a Utah?”

For the latest example of how ridiculously ineffective Utah’s so-called child-protection do-not-e-mail registry is, look no further than the fines the state issued last week against companies it alleges targeted kids with porn, alcohol and gambling ads.

Warning: this article contains content that some may find offensive.

Utah’s consumer protection agency reportedly cited and fined the following companies:

--DOS Media Now an Encinitas, CA online gambling company, $5,000.

--Golden Arch Casinos, Overland Park, KS, $2,500.

--Smoothbeer.com, a UK-based beer marketer, $2,500.

--SoftestGirls.com, a Singapore-based pornographer, $20,000.

Singapore? They’re fining porn merchants in Singapore? Does the average Singaporean even know of Utah’s existence? And don’t they cane people for chewing gum without a prescription in that country? Seriously. Pornography is already illegal in Singapore. Playboy is even against the law there.

Rather than issue cockamamie fines, Utah’s officials would probably stand a better chance of stopping SoftestGirls.com if they simply give Singaporean officials as much information as they have on SoftestGirls.com.

Oh, wait, we forgot: Utah’s registry is not really about protecting kids. It’s about pretending to protect kids while actually making their e-mail addresses more accessible to online predators. Doing something to truly prevent SoftestGirls.com from sending pornographic e-mail to children might actually protect some kids. Sorry. Our bad.

This is the second time Utah issued meaningless and unenforceable citations under its child registry law, which requires marketers of products it is illegal for minors to view or buy to pay the state to scrub their lists of e-mail addresses on Utah’s registry.

The state in January issued a $2,500 citation against Canadian pornography Web site HoneyI[blanked]TheBabySitter.com. Utah has yet to collect on that fine and the site is still in business.

Paul Murphy, a spokesman for Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff, said if the companies outside Utah’s jurisdiction want to be considered law-abiding companies, they’ll pay the fines.

“If they’re truly a company that is trying to obey the law, they’ll want to obey this law, as well,” he said. “There’s something to be said about corporate citizenship. It just depends on if they want to be a legitimate business or not.”

Hmm. OK. SoftestGirls.com bills itself as a site where men can meet “thousands of sex-deprived horny housewives.”

Sales copy on the home page says: “Only one dollar and you can get access to our growing database of attached and horny housewives! … They don’t care if you are single or not, this is not about building a relationship, it’s just no-nonsense sex, no mess, no complications. … Most of the members have Web cams and are eager to chat and fool around. Ultimately, these ladies are eager for in-the-flesh hook-ups with local men.”

Yep. Sounds like the perfect candidate to respond favorably to an appeal for “good corporate citizenship.”

[Warning: Don’t log onto SoftestGirls.com at work: The site will snare your browser, launch a bunch of windows with pornographic images, and you’ll risk getting fired if the wrong person walks by.  Or, go ahead and log on and if you get busted, claim it’s research.]

When asked what tools Utah has to enforce fines against companies outside its jurisdiction, Murphy said: “Right now, we’re trying to collect and if we don’t receive any money from them, then we start looking at what further action we’re going to take. ”

Meanwhile, Utah’s shakedown of legitimate e-mail marketers who want to abide by the law continues while porn group Free Speech Coalition’s lawsuit against the state over the kids’ no-email registry slogs along.

Utah judge Dale Kimball has set a hearing for Nov. 9 on the Free Speech Coalition’s request for an injunction halting enforcement of the registry and the state’s request to dismiss the coalition’s lawsuit against it. If Kimball has even a shred of sanity, he’ll issue an injunction against Utah’s no-e-mail registry until it can be crushed once and for all.