Stupid E-mail Watch: A Talking Cervix?

Planned Parenthood recently sent an e-mail campaign out recently with the attention-grabbing subject line: “I [heart] my cervix.”

Opening the e-mail revealed an equally grabbing piece of [excuse the pun] body copy pretending to be the woman’s cervix communicating with her.

Warning: Anatomically graphic language that some will deem completely inappropriate ahead.

“Dear Amy,

“This is your cervix writing.

“I know, you might've forgotten I existed until you got this e-mail just now (what with vagina and clitoris always hogging all the attention). I bet you wouldn't even recognize me if you saw me — me, your very own cervix!”

The e-mail then followed with a series of health tips.

Though the appropriateness of the language is debatable, that the copy is memorable is not. And it got me to thinking: What if one of my lower body parts sent me an e-mail? [No, not that one] What would it say?

Dear Ken:

This is your @$$hole talking. I know, you might have forgotten I existed with your, well, you know, hogging all the attention. I bet you wouldn’t even recognize me—me, your very own @$$hole!

Well, Ken, I just wanted to tell you that you’ve been called an @$$hole so many times that you’ve become synonymous with the term. Why, when we were out the other night I overheard one @$$hole saying to another @$$hole: “Check that @$$hole out. He’s such a Ken Magill.”

You see? We @$$holes finally have a derogatory name to call one another, thanks to you. I think I speak for all @$$holes when I say: Thanks, Ken. You’re a real @$$hole’s @$$hole. Keep up the good work.