Loose Cannon: Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Heat Nor The Galactic Empire…

For once, I'm proud of direct marketers' inaction. Unlike one brand marketer, DMers have avoided taking advantage of a new "new medium."

The United States Postal Service has teamed up with Lucasfilm Ltd., those fine people who brought us the "Star Wars" sextilogy. Together, they are promoting a soon-to-be released series of stamps featuring characters from these movies. As part of the promotional effort, the Post Office is covering 400 mailboxes around the country with wraps that transform the boxes into R2-D2, a "droid" who resembles a garbage can.

Folks, despite the Postal Service's claim that they're putting the wrapped boxes in high-traffic locations to cut down on theft, the over/under for how long it'll be before most of them are decorating college dorm rooms is about a week. Mailers who normally use boxes are encouraged – strongly encouraged – to explore the joys of window service during the duration of the campaign.

As for the placement of the decorated boxes themselves, it's interesting to see what the USPS considers high-traffic areas: Three cities in Alaska are getting them, compared with one city apiece for Alabama, Hawaii, Idaho, Indiana, Maryland, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Utah, Vermont, Wisconsin and Wyoming. (Other states are getting more.)

The Postal Service is even placing one of the Star Wars-themed boxes in Roswell, NM – site of the Air Force's Area 51, which plays a large role in extraterrestrial conspiracy theories. Kinda writes its own joke, doesn't it?

The locations probably won't matter, in terms of being able to use the boxes. Side betting says every last one of them will be stuffed to the brim with little bits of paper, all bearing the same message: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

If, that is, people can get within arm's distance of the mailboxes. Those not immediately stolen will doubtless be surrounded by people dressed as Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia, all of whom will wave light sabers menacingly at anyone attempting to use the mailboxes for their intended function. Unlikely, you say? Remember that late Doors singer Jim Morrison's grave has had a constant vigil of the underemployed trashing the area for the last 35 years.

It's enough to make one wonder what other marketers rejected this idea before Lucasfilm embraced it. Not that there are a plethora of products that lend themselves to short and squat mediums. Beyond items related to Volkswagen Beetles, canister vacuums or Danny DeVito, the choices are pretty thin.

Regardless, thank you again, direct marketers, for holding off on this particular endeavor. Once these mailboxes start disappearing, this campaign will provide endless fodder for late-night television hosts. Better Lucasfilm than us.

May this farce bypass you.

To respond to the opinions in this column, please contact richard.levey@penton.com .

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In last week's column, I encouraged neophyte DM copywriters to attend the John Caples International Awards gala, in order to see what really terrific direct mail creative efforts look like. ("Loose Cannon: The Envelope Please, March 12, 2007: http://directmag.com/loosecannon/loose-cannon-envelope-please-031207/)

Since then a small number of award show catalogs, which feature photos and descriptions of the top winners, have come into my possession. (They fell off a truck. Don't ask questions.)

This year's awards were dominated by advertising agencies located in Europe and the Pacific Rim. I invite DM folk with comparatively little industry experience – say, three years or fewer – to write in with brilliant, if unlikely, schemes for boosting participation among United States-based agencies.

Please limit suggestions to 75 words. I'd hate to have to truncate brilliance in mid-sentence.

I'll randomly choose a handful of 'em as prizewinners, and will include them in next week's column. Creators of all featured entries will be listed by name and agency, and will receive one of the show programs. One name per entry, please, although multiple entries per agency are permitted.

All entries, regardless of whether or not they are among the top winners, will be considered for publication. Winners will be chosen through a method that is both arbitrary and final. The contest deadline is 8:00 pm, Eastern Time, Wednesday, March 21.

Please send entries to: richard.levey@penton.com. And remember, total description must be 75 words or fewer.