Loose Cannon: This Thing of Ours

Lend an ear to John Greco’s welcome speech at the Direct Marketing Days New York conference, and there’s a phrase you probably won’t hear. As Greco has made clear in previous talks, direct marketers are not part of an industry – they belong to a “community.”

“Community” as a collective noun for direct marketers makes sense only when one remembers that the Hatfields and the McCoys were, technically, part of the same “community.”

As it happened, other alternatives to “industry” were considered by one of those hotbeds of mediocrity known as a focus group. What follow are notes on several of the rejected choices.

Collage – Turned down as too artsy. “We sell automobile aftermarket products,” a DMA member commented. “We are NOT part of a collage!”

Confederacy – Northern DMers got bent out of shape, feeling they were being excluded, and southern marketers didn’t want the good name of Civil War rebels associated with direct marketing.

Cosa Nostra, La – Several floral marketers pushed for this, assuming that it would lead to a spike in boutonniere sales. It was rejected when the florists realized individuals who have boutonnieres pinned to them are not likely candidates for repeat business.

Coterie – The focus group felt a French term would be detrimental to the DMA’s Congressional lobbying efforts. (Curiously, the focus group also rejected “Bund,” “Camarilla” and “Mafia” as sounding “too French” as well.)

Cronies – Females did not like being referred to as “the Cronettes” and DMers under 30 strenuously objected to being called “Chronosomes”.

Federation – A tempting alternative, especially for the “Star Trek” echoes. Cast aside by upper DMA management, who feared unfortunate comparisons to Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock.

Fellowship – “Direct marketers are strange enough,” snarled one evaluator. “We don’t need them showing up to conventions dressed as hobbits.”

Junta – Seriously considered, until someone pointed out that DMA members might be confused by the soft and hard “g” sounds in “Generalissimo Greco”.

Outfit – Rejected when some male DMA members felt it wouldn’t suit them.

Rate Pack, The – While this name would have underlined members’ focus on measuring results, it was ultimately nixed because nobody within the DMA wanted the Joey Bishop role.

Sandbox – A serious runner-up, stemming from direct marketers’ interest in “granular” data analysis. Dropped when questions arose about DMers’ ability to share their toys without squabbling.

Universe – Proposed “because of all the stars in it.” Discarded when focus group participants realized comparing advertising to masses of hot air and gas would not help direct marketing’s image.

To respond to this column, please contact richard.levey@penton.com