Psychotic Law Clowns in Utah at it Again

Just when you think Utah state legislators might have regained a smidgeon of sanity regarding Internet law, they prove you wrong … oh, so spectacularly wrong.

First, the good news: The state’s legislators last week passed a set of amendments gutting Utah’s ill-conceived Trademark Protection Act, a terribly crafted law passed last March ostensibly aimed at stopping companies from buying competitor’s trademarks to trigger keyword ads on search engines. Threats of a lawsuit they would surely lose apparently helped Utah’s busybody lawmakers to see the light.

However, Utah’s state legislature is on another mission to prove itself to be the most Internet-ignorant legislative body on earth—and that, folks, is an achievement that takes a spectacular amount of work.

Time ran out on Utah’s latest zany Internet-related bill last week when the state’s legislative session closed.

However, the law’s sponsor, Republican Michael Morley, said in an e-mail exchange with this newsletter he plans to reintroduce the bill next session—a bill aimed at creating a G-rated Internet.

The bill would offer Internet access providers who pay a fee and agree to block access to pornographic and other material harmful to minors the designation of Community Conscious Internet Provider and a seal they could display on their sites and in promotional materiel.

Participating ISPs would also agree to prohibit customers by contract from publishing any “prohibited communication” and “remove or prevent access to any prohibited communication published by or accessed using the Internet service provider’s service within a reasonable time.”

Just who would determine whether or not a communication falls under the category of “prohibited” isn’t clear. Neither is how much time would be considered “reasonable.”

And how’s this for an incentive? Those who sign up for the voluntary designation of Community Conscious Internet Provider would be subject to fines of up to $10,000 if they violate any of its arbitrary demands.

Ooh. Sign us up. Another Utah Internet law ostensibly aimed at protecting kids that does nothing of the sort.

Remember, this is the same crew that passed the tragicomically misnamed child-protection do-not-e-mail registry. As a father, I can say the truly hilarious thing about that law is that rather than protect kids, it actually puts them at greater risk of being contacted by online predators. Get it? A so-called child protection law that actually increases their chances of contact with a pedophile? Ouch. Ouch. My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

Whenever I think of Utah’s state legislature, I envision a room full of Jack-in-the-Boxes straight out of a never-made Twilight Zone episode. Every fall, when it’s time for the next legislative session, their cranks begin to turn, a chorus of “Pop Goes the Weasel” begins, and on the note for “pop” the lids fly open and dozens of psychotic clown heads spring out of the boxes chanting: “New Internet Law! New Internet Law!”

Message to Utah’s voters: Would you please find a way to put the heads of your psychotic-clown lawmakers back into their boxes?