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Not too long ago I was whipping through a Maureen Dowd column in The New York Times, expecting more hilarious commentary on the current state of affairs, when I realized that a large portion of the piece was devoted to Dr. Leonard's America's Leading Discount Healthcare Catalogue.

It seems Ms. Dowd had the eye-opening occasion to stay with her ailing mother for a time in a nursing home and one of the main forms of entertainment was Dr. Leonard's. While Ms. Dowd undoubtedly appreciated the catalog's product offerings (such as Eagle Eyes sunglasses and Frankie Avalon's Zero Pain roll-on) she also seemed to have felt, just by reading through it, the cold shivers of age sneaking up on her. Thrilled when she and her mother were able to leave, one of the first things Ms. Dowd did was return to catalogs that she felt expressed who she was, not who she might someday be.

Feeling a bit alarmed myself, I immediately checked the catalogs I was receiving. Happily no Dr. Leonard's lurked in my stash, but a FootSmart filled with all kinds of helps for bunions and the like did, and it suddenly became more frightening than it had any reason to be — especially since its target audience is nowhere near old.

I also spotted others in my catalog collection: Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie, both of which instantly proved I was still young and hip! Plus there was Athleta and RoadRunner Sports, indicating I was healthy enough to exercise. Frontgate, Design Within Reach and Golden Bear undeniably stated that my taste was not particularly affordable but impeccable. Travelsmith and Magellan made it clear that I was a smart cosmopolitan traveler. Plus I had all the prerequisite fashion retailers like Saks and Neiman's squirreled away in my two-drawer filing cabinet of catalogs. Ah, not ready for a retirement home yet. The catalogs addressed to me said so.

Upon returning home, Maureen Dowd had been relieved that she was still young enough to enjoy her normal catalogs, Bliss (yep, I had that one too) and Bergdorf's (I will contact them immediately to get on their list).

But the point was clear — the catalogs you receive at home say who you are. Who knew we had more image leverage than a coffee table book? (Of course, if consumers want to be sure they keep up the right appearances with free subscriptions to catalogs that epitomize their self-image, they'd better order regularly.)

How to get the word out? Instead of a subtle, fainthearted, kindly message like “We haven't heard from you. Please order now,” how about a more direct threat: “If you don't order within the next 24 hours, you will be placed on the subscription list for every catalog and magazine we can find that targets the 85-plus age market.” That should do it.

Great, you say. Because we have become the status symbol we may have a new, effective reactivation technique. Is that all we can do with this newly realized power?

Not by a long shot. If consumers want to be associated with us, if we help define who they are, advertisers might very well feel the same way.

You will recall that from time to time you've seen catalogs which somehow have found their way — that is, have likely paid their way — into certain films. The one that stands out in my mind most is “The Player” (probably because I love Tim Robbins). When the main character picks up his mail at the film studio lot, he drops it. And what's the major focus in the dropped mail, complete with a close-up shot? Sharper Image.

Now it's time to turn the tables.

Catalogs are seen in print and electronic versions by millions, even billions, of consumers. Maybe I missed it, but why aren't we all charging for product placement — the same kind you see in movies and on TV programs, or hear in rap songs — in our catalogs?

Product placement is literally everywhere these days. Books, especially children's books, make frequent reference in their titles to brand names like Oreos, M&M's and Cheerios. And perhaps you've read about McDonald's offering rappers big bucks to integrate the Big Mac name into their lyrics.

Magazines and newspapers are also susceptible to product placements. Stadiums and other entertainment venues are no longer named after cities, but companies. For just one example, folks in my part of the country who want to see live entertainment go to the Home Depot Center.

OK — for years we've sold manufacturers space in our catalogs, but this usually takes the form of an ad or product that appears to be for sale in the book. Now I'm suggesting actually charging advertisers to get their brand as a prop in a photo — say a Saab with a lovely lady dressed to kill for a fashion magazine and needing just the right vehicle as her “adornment.” Or Coca-Cola as a prop on an outdoor table setting from one of our many excellent outdoor catalog specialists.

The money generated from product placement is all over the lot. Research shows costs as low as $10,000 and as high as $35 million, according to Media Awareness Network, for Aston Martin's appearance in “Die Another Day.” Advertisers know this kind of advertising works — Media Awareness reports that Ray-Ban's sales tripled after being featured in “Men in Black.” According to April's Product Placement News, the product placement market will expand nearly 23% to $4.24 billion this year.

Many catalogs have the cachet consumers want to identify with. It's time some advertisers quietly paid for the opportunity.

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KATIE MULDOON (kmuldoon@muldoonandbaer.com) is president of DM/catalog consulting firm Muldoon & Baer Inc., Palm Beach Gardens, FL.