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Why are direct marketing firms so often so bad at press relations? No one is saying every DMer must have a PR rep, but if a professional communicator is part of a company's marketing, is it too much to ask that they be at least competent?

The following incidents are all real examples from DM companies of how not to do PR.

Our first lesson is a twofer: Don't insult a reporter's integrity and don't react to unflattering but accurate coverage by being combative.

A PR rep for a marketing firm everyone reading this column likely would know recently called to say his client was going to be “upset” over part of a story about an executive getting fired.

He then said he would like us to “work together” and that his company would have some major upcoming announcements. He never explicitly offered me exclusives, nor did he directly ask me to change my tone, but we both knew what he was implying: Be nice and maybe we'll give you a scoop. This is called “access” and only loser weasels take it.

After the next unflattering story about the same company appeared, the PR rep called my editor and denied it. Trouble was, the story was true. Either the rep was lying or was ignorant about goings-on inside the company. Not good either way.

The next example of stupid PR comes from a company that put out an announcement but had no one on hand to take questions from the press. This happens surprisingly often.

A call to the number on the press release reached a friendly receptionist who said the representative named on the release was not in that day. Someone else would handle the matter. However, that person was on another call and would have to call me back.

After the fill-in person failed to respond, I called again. The fill-in person gave no indication she had received my voice mail. She then directed me back to the friendly receptionist with instructions to pass the call on to the PR rep named on the release who — remember — was not in that day.

Folks, if you put out an announcement, have someone dedicated to fielding press inquiries. In the age of the cell phone, there's no excuse to do otherwise.

Our last example of bad PR comes from a woman I've never met who called me on her speakerphone. This one's simple: If you're pitching, don't make me picture you with your feet on your desk and your hands locked behind your head. It makes me want to crack a billy club across the soles of your shoes.