Letters to the Editor

[Re: Loose Cannon: Of Questionable Use, Direct Newsline, May 7, 2007]:

You have struck upon one of my favorite subjects.

Surely you will recall that I am an old timey headhunter, or if you're a stuffed shirt traditionalist - an executive recruiter. But it's more fun to be a headhunter.

The series of cuckoo - my wife made me clean that up - questions asked by the current folks acting as personnel clerks* could have several sources.

1. I would like to believe that they are kidding. You gotta remember that personnel is the classic dead-end job. The personnel clerk has no power, except to chase away good potential employees. The personnel clerk is most often so completely bored with the job that he hopes for diarrhea to liven things up. So the personnel clerk thinks up demented questions to ask. He or she is trying to entertain himself. And the New York Times reports the item seriously. Loose Cannon, thank you Richard, takes almost nothing seriously and is, therefore, a must read.

2. Since most personnel clerks do not know their own jobs and have little or no idea of the work to be done by a new employee, they try to ask questions of a candidate which will misgafargulate the fellow, with the specific intention of eliminating the candidate. The personnel clerk should be the last to know that a guy is hired. They do hafta fill out all the important government forms like their beloved I-9. In the 31 years that I have pretended to be a brilliant consultant to job changers, it has been a primary objective for me to keep my clients as far away from personnel clerks as possible.

Here is a note that I send to my clients to give them some idea of the importance of avoiding the personnel department.

Doggy Duty

What happens when you send your resumé to the personnel department? The very same thing that happens when the mailman or the UPS delivery man comes to our door.

The guy comes to the door with a package and our dog barks at him! Bark! Bark! Bark! And the mailman goes away!

Wow - from the dog's point of view, the dog is a hero because he has done his job, the dog has chased away an intruder. The dog thinks that when the guy came to the door, he was frightened away by the barking. The dog does not know that the guy did what he came to do, leave the package, drop off the mail.

All the dog sees is that when the dog barks, the guy runs back to his truck and drives away.

That's exactly what the personnel clerk is doing ... barking.

The personnel clerk is not barking at you, he's just barking because that's what he has been trained to do. He thinks that's his job. To chase away intruders.

Too often, as a job hunter you'll get the impression that you're no good because everybody's barking at you. Not so, it's not a real thinking person who is judging you and rejecting you. No more than the dog judges and rejects the UPS driver.

NOW FOR THE IMPORTANT PART!

While the dog is barking, the mailman has something I'm interested in, doesn't he? I want the UPS package, don't I?

Does the mailman consult with the dog? No, of course not. As a matter of fact, my mail lady carries a shpritz bottle of ammonia to squirt on dogs that bother her. The UPS guy bypasses the dog and asks me for my signature. I'm the human being in charge of things. The dog is just ACTING like the boss.

But the dog is not in charge. And so, too, you must stop dealing with the dog that chases people away - personnel - and start to think about ringing the doorbell to attract the attention of the human being who is in charge of the dog!

* They don't call themselves Personnel Clerks nowadays.
The new word is Human Resources. But it's still personnel.
Like a Culinary Engineer. It's still pots and pans.

Joe McTaggart
Self-Described Headhunter
San Jose, CA


* * * * * * *

I'm not too enthusiastic about flights of fancy like today's column, but I'll attempt some answers:

Question 1: Search word bids: "Free Money"

2. Ten years of catalogs: Would cover the Mojave Desert plus Bakersfield.

3. List broker's hard choice: You won't trap me on this one! As a former list broker, I'll always recommend the list that will get the best results for my client. This principle is called CRM.

4. I'll take the S&H Green Stamps. These guys created the most successful promotional gift in the history of marketing. If your grocery store gave Green Stamps, you could decorate your whole house buying you own choice of home furnishings with them.

5. Free gift for cancelled flight? A lifetime pass on Amtrak railroad trains. You can really enjoy the Mojave Desert with their air conditioning.

6. Trademark: B-O-K. "Be okay and stay okay with us."

7. Monopoly ideas: Electronic loyalty card that lets you pass "go" and collect $200 every time you roll a seven. "Get out of jail" card lets you collect money for a suit of clothes from a Web site as you walk out the door. A newly invented "Sales letter card" lets you tear off coupon to trade Baltic Avenue for Trump Towers.

8. Checkers: Mail coupon for new pair of glasses when someone makes a triple jump and takes your checkers. Free mail-in coupon to win a cushion for extra comfort when you're playing on a park bench. Website tips on modernizing your life if you are still playing checkers in the 21st century.

Fred Morath
Fred Morath Direct Marketing
Natick, MA

* * * * * * *

Were the 34 students quizzed by the investment bank the 34 Duke MBA students caught cheating on an exam (BusinessWeek, 4/30/07), where the honor code is displayed in every classroom? Or was this one of the investment banks that has recently settled with the SEC (any paper, most days of the week), where the honor code is written on a white board in eraseable ink?

And were the sethe same banks that invested in the "subprime" loan market, which is making thousands of families lose their homes (front page, Washington Post, 5/7/07)?

If you answer yes to one of the above, you are potential management material. If you answer yes to two of the above, welcome to the executive team. If you answer yes to all of the above, you are on your way to that office that can hold every penny in the world, and you may write your memoirs from a Federal tennis camp.

Does anyone explain to their children how they make their living?

Not that I have ever had an opinion.

Mark Amtower
www.EpiphanyBook.com
Highland, MD