Perish the Thought

There are some things that should never be purchased from clearance sales. Shark repellent, for one. Heart medication, perhaps. Mail-order brides.

Dinner falls into this category as well. There used to be a restaurant chain in New York that advertised “all sushi half-price after 5 p.m.” It's out of business now, quite possibly due to a plethora of ptomaine plawsuits.

A recent direct mail piece from Omaha Steaks — normally a very savvy marketer — is drawing campaignwide cringes for this very reason. It's one thing to offer premium cuts of meat at sale prices. It's another thing entirely to announce that the meat is discounted due to a “1/2 PRICE CLEARANCE SALE,” as the company does right atop both a cover letter and an enclosed flier.

Clearance? This is a word applied to last year's summer dresses — the ones that have been pawed through on the racks, perhaps even purchased, taken home, modeled in front of a mirror, worn to a season's worth of cocktail parties and then returned. It's a word that brings to mind unwanted merchandise, or items passed over by more discriminating shoppers.

Omaha Steaks offers superior meat products. While “aged” meat means something very specific to a connoisseur, copy that can be interpreted as offering rib that is past its prime should be avoided. And yes, I know that Omaha Steaks are fresh frozen, and are shipped in packaging that preserves coldness.

The mailing piece still says “clearance,” and I still say “ick.”

Memo to Omaha Steaks' well-meaning but thesaurusly challenged copywriter: You cannot treat meat the way you can straight-to-video DVDs.

If Christmas sales weren't what you were hoping for, try these copy lines: “We've been overrun by cows, and we're steering the savings to you!” Or perhaps “Not all of Santa's reindeer were nice last year, and because of this, you can save a few bucks!”

W

Carnivores who appreciate a good cut of something shouldn't be dissuaded by poor word choice on the part of a copywriter. But all the same, I'd suggest waiting until Omaha Steaks gets its spring line in.

For more of Richard H. Levey's Loose Cannon columns, visit http://directmag.com/opinions-columnists/loosecannon/index.html.