Clever, But Not Urgent Enough

My readers might be puzzled that I've chosen an ad I deem “good” for this issue's makeover.

But I think of this column space as a workshop where we look at selected click-response ads for a brand or service, both effective ads and ineffective ones, and at ways they might have been better.

In this case it's an ad for a household spray product, Mold Control. (Two words? One word? Bottle label says one, copy says two.)

We see a slice of bread with an odd shape. Oh, OK — the bread was baked in a pan shaped like a house.

Beneath the picture is a smallish but large enough headline, You Wouldn't Tolerate This on Your Food.

Tolerate what?

Maybe I was slow-witted, but I didn't get it at first glance. That may have been my problem. I looked again and noticed that one corner of the bread was tinged with disgusting green mold. And yes, no homemaker would tolerate that.

Beneath the headline is a block of copy, pretty wide measure but not outrageously wide, in small type but not unreadably small. Still, the small size doesn't exactly invite reading.

It begins with a boldface lead which completes the headline statement.

Why would you in your home? Indoor mold has been linked to allergies, asthma and other health issues. Protect your home and your family with Concrobium Mold Control, an innovative solution that eliminates, cleans and prevents mold without bleach or harmful chemicals. For a home mold-proofing checklist visit www.thecureformold.com.

Good, succinct, workmanlike copy. So why am I not satisfied?

Essentially because it doesn't grab me by the lapels and march me down to the store to buy.

Oh, yes, indoor mold is a problem. Oh, yes, I must look for it and do something about it someday.

But indoor mold — the toxic kind — is serious business and deserves to be taken seriously. By grabbing prospective customers and sitting them down for a more informative and extended discussion, we may be better able to stir up a serious intention to immediately detect and deal with any potential or actual mold problem the reader may have in the home. (Whereas the “someday” intention may be mentally added to the to-do list and forgotten.)

Remember David Ogilvy's classic quote: “When Aeschines spoke, they said, ‘How well he speaks.’ But when Demosthenes spoke, they said, ‘Let us march against Philip.’ I'm for Demosthenes.”

And, “When selling fire extinguishers, open with the fire.”

So in my makeover of an ad for a mold control and prevention spray, I decided to start with the common mold problem. But not just mold — toxic mold (not all mold is toxic). My headline promises not just one solution to the problem but 10, thereby building up the click-response rate. And in my subhead I flatly tell readers that toxic mold is dangerous.

That offers powerful motivation for readers to learn more by reading on. And the longer they linger on the page, and the more they click-respond, the deeper and more lasting the brand/product impression.

Then in my body copy I encourage alarmed readers to spend more time on the page to learn about the problem. I make no pretense that this would be final copy. This is only a demonstration, but you'll see how it causes the reader to stop and think about mold instead of turning the page.

Toxic mold in the home presents a host of health and safety risks. Children and adults with weakened immune systems, allergies or asthma are especially at risk if toxic mold exists and is growing.

Although there are ways to clean and remove mold from surfaces and in the air, ultimately the most effective way to eliminate mold is by prevention.

Buildings and homes have been deemed uninhabitable due to the potential threat of illness and even death due to the presence of toxic mold.

Mold is centuries old and if toxic, has caused serious health problems for hundreds of years. One reason we hear more about mold and its potential harm to human health today is because there is a much greater knowledge and understanding of mold and the problems it can cause.

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